In today’s diverse and inclusive work environments, fostering a culture of acceptance and support is crucial. Particularly in settings like nurseries where nurturing and care are fundamental values. In this context, we delve into Data Quality Manager Sandy’s personal coming out story and how, as a workplace, we support Pride and diversity.
How did pride start?
Pride was started as a protest with regards to remembering the Stonewall riots, from 1969 in America. Following a police raid on the Stonewall Inn, probably the most famous gay bar in the world, the Stonewall Inn at Greenwich Village in New York. Police raided it, and that’s how it all started in June 1969. It was a defining moment of the start of the gay rights movement. It was a long time after that before things got a bit better. It is also about us supporting and being allies for the LGBTQ+ communities, loving others and yourself proudly and passionately. That could be someone that’s straight as well because they struggle too.
Pride is all about accepting each other and accepting yourself as you are, remembering and believing the power of diversity. Diversity comes in many different forms. It’s okay to be different, and it’s about celebrating that as well. Helping with accepting who you are and just being yourself. Its important to honour LGBTQ+ activists, those that have come before us and those that are going to come in future and fighting for equality.
Read Sandy’s Inspiring Coming Out Story
What was it like growing up?
My mom was very looking forward to dressing her beautiful, gorgeous, cute daughter in lovely frilly dresses from the start. I didn’t like it. From a very early age, 4 or 5 years of age, I can remember walking around calling myself Matthew. Now that wasn’t a choice. That just happened. I will always argue with anyone about being gay as a choice. It isn’t it’s, it’s how you are born.
My mum would dress me in what she wanted me to go to school in. I used to change and put my jeans on and go to school because in those days we didn’t have school uniform. It’s one of those things. I was a tomboy and that is the reality of the situation. That who I was. That’s who I wanted to be.
When I was probably about 15 or 16, something like that, I started to think I was wrong to feel this way. That’s how I was made to think, that it was not right. So in my head, as a teenager, it was, this isn’t right. I shouldn’t be feeling this way. So already, I was feeling, it was wrong.
My Foster parents were involved in the church, and at 16, I became a born again Christian. My feelings became in direct conflict with my faith. So my mental health spiralled out of control. That’s when it became so awful. My life was just awful, horrendous, because of the conflict. And, unfortunately, for 30 years, I battled with that, with my faith against my feelings. I didn’t outwardly speak about them. It was this inner conflict that I had, which caused my mental health to be absolutely horrendous.
Did you share these feelings with anyone?
In 2013, life began to get better. I shared how I was feeling to a very good friend at last. She accepted me. She was fine with it. She didn’t change or anything. I felt better than I had for a long time. So I verbalized how I was feeling and it started to get better.
How was it meeting your Wife and what were the struggles you faced being apart of the LGBTQ+ community as a Christian?
2014 was the year. Oh my goodness, it rocked In my opinion. I met Sarah and we fell in love. We both worked for a company called Excelsior Coaches. Sarah was a driver, I was a traffic supervisor, so I was her boss.
I officially came out and announced I was gay. However, it wasn’t plain, sailing. The church asked me to end my relationship with Sarah. They did not agree with it. They preached against homosexuality. It was a cardinal sin. I’m sure, some of you that go to church will know and I sort of get it. I do understand it but I don’t believe what they teach of sexual immorality. I don’t believe I’m sexually immoral as I was so happy, I thought, how could it be so wrong? How could God hate something that has made me so happy after 30, 40 years?
I could not be a member of that church anymore. I was told I could not be a member of the church. It was kind of my worst fear coming true, but what I had found kind of outweighed all of that, all of what I was feeling.
July 2013, same sex marriage act was passed. September 2014, we got married the best day of my life. We got married in Christchurch in, the King’s Arms, we were one of the first gay couples to get married in Christchurch. We are very proud of that. We got married by a woman, which was really nice! Also, I have an amazing stepdaughter so, what more can I say? Love is love.
What do we do at Tops that you feel supports you and the rest of the LGBTQ+ community?
We’ve done a lot this year celebrating pride at work. It’s been really lovely to be a part of that. We thank all of you for supporting that and allowing all these changes to go ahead. So on the website, on all our email sign offs, we have the logo including the pride colours.
We also displayed banners at Bournemouth, Musgrove, Portsmouth and Salisbury, to show that we support Pride. The marketing team played a big role in organising for all of this to happen, and it was really lovely to work with Ellen, the Marketing Manager (also a member of the LGBTQIA+ group).
I’m pleased to work for a company that welcomes all, and wants colleagues to know that health and well-being is important and offers so much support for those of us that struggle. Now that’s a testament to the amazing people that lead and run this company and the way that we’ve moved forward. We’ve come so far in the 10 years that I’ve been working at Tops. It’s lovely to see!
I have never ever been made to feel odd because, of who I am. People accept me for me.
Sandy’s coming out story is a powerful testament to the strength and importance of fostering a workplace that celebrates pride and diversity. At Tops and Aspire, we are committed to creating an environment where every individual feels safe, valued, and empowered to be their authentic selves. By actively supporting the LGBTQIA+ community through education and values, we not only enrich a positive workplace but we also set healthy and safe examples for the children and learners in our care.
